July 4, 2014

Driving home through the desert from an Indian reservation in the middle of nowhere when this comes on the radio.

Sometimes it’s like someone took a knife baby

Edgy and dull and cut a six-inch valley
Through the middle of my soul

At night I wake up with the sheets soaking wet
And a freight train running through the
Middle of my head
Only you can cool my desire
Oh-oh-oh, I’m on fire

(Source: youtube.com)

July 2, 2014

“What a sad paradox, though Amalfitano. Now even bookish pharmacists are afraid to take on the great, imperfect, torrential works, books that blaze the path into the unknown. They choose the perfect exercises of the great masters. Or what amounts to the same thing: they want to watch the great masters spar, but they have no interest in real combat, when the great masters struggle against that something, that something that terrifies us all, that something that cows us and spurs us on, amid blood and mortal wounds and stench.” 
― Roberto Bolaño2666

June 26, 2014

Lots of nights when I can’t sleep and I am wrapped up in ideas from books I spend a lot of time just doing Google searches of that particular book. Reading quotes, looking at old pictures of authors, reading their biographies or criticisms of them. Tonight I was doing this obsessive routine about Roberto Bolano, after reading a few hundred pages in his posthumous novel 2666. I was looking to see if a particular quote existed on the internet. I always feel like there is a potential for connections on the internet, even though it has been a long time since I have had one. But I feel like I may find the blog entry of someone who I agree with completely and strike up a life-long friendship with, that kind of foolish thing. I found the quote on a website I had visited many times before, always on nights like this, late night literary-quote rampages. It is called The Floating Library and has a lot of Borges’ work in its entirety, I have always admired the site and thought of the creator as a mysterious presence, perhaps some old college literature professor, a like mind with similar tastes. Too intimidating to ever actually contact, but a great resource on nights like this when I want to feel at least a little bit like someone out there understands and feels as deeply about this shit as I do. I looked at the most recent entry and saw that the author of the blog was actually a young man, only a few years older than me, and that he had committed suicide last October. I feel enormously sad as I read through his obituary and find out about his life. 


I was looking for a quote about exile and fate. 

“Exile must be a terrible thing,” said Norton sympathetically.

“Actually,” said Amalfitano, “now I see it as a natural movement, something that, in its way, helps to abolish fate, or what is generally known as fate.”

“But exile,” said Pelletier, “is full of inconveniences, of skips and breaks that essentially keep recurring and interfere with anything you try to do that’s important.”

“That’s just what I mean by abolishing fate,” said Amalfitano. “But again, I beg your pardon.”

– Roberto Bolaño, 2664

Now I feel incredibly alone and like the one person I could possibly talk to about anything is already dead. And I feel like that is the fate most people like us end up meeting. That or liver disease like Bolano and my father. I feel exiled from the entire human condition. That seems very over dramatic, I go to work 5 days a week and smile and laugh and tell jokes and entertain people, and my co-workers and customers love me. I seem like a happy person and not a desperate one.  But on my days off I take care of my sick mom and go for long walks into the desert and it is becoming very clear to me that I am unhinged and in exile.

June 7, 2014

Of course it happened. Of course it didn’t happen.

May 6, 2014
"Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place - Kurt Vonnegut"

This doesn’t sound like something Kurt Vonnegut would say at all, Googling it just links to a bunch of Tumblrs and inspirational quote pages.

I think Vonnegut would want people to accept their bitterness, if anything. 

I hate misattributed quotes. Like all of the quasi-inspirational Mark Twain ones. Mark Twain was a bitter old man who was extremely cynical of everything, trust me, he said nothing that should be on a page of inspirational quotes. Ditto on Vonnegut unless you want to count the “if this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is” quote. 

Just confirmed it is not an actual quote by him. It is in the misattributed section on his wikiquote page. It is actually from a lame blog. This makes me feel much better for some reason.

(Source: tumblingtowards, via snack-tray)

May 1, 2014

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April 29, 2014

(Source: tldrwikipedia, via basiumis)

March 13, 2014
13 Characteristics of Adult Children of Alcoholics


1. Adult children of alcoholics guess at what normal behavior is.

2. Adult children of alcoholics have difficulty following a project through from beginning to end.

3. Adult children of alcoholics lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth.

4. Adult children of alcoholics judge…

February 4, 2014

(Source: sissygerbal)

December 30, 2013

(Source: allen-bergman, via alwaysmoneyinthebnanastand)

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